Couples Top Five Subjects to Discuss Up Front

Here are five topics we've found to be the most important conversation starters for couples considering marriage or if you are already married, it’s even more important to make time to discuss and get real about some core values, dreams, and beliefs.

1)  Money – It’s the number one issue most couples put off talking about until an issue arises.  Let’s face it – it’s sometimes awkward, and most people aren’t always proud of how they handle money – but that’s the point.  The wrong time to find out a potential spouse is way more into debt or has a gambling issue is now.  It’s best to sit down and lay the cards on the table BEFORE the wedding day, so everyone has a clear expectation of how you each will handle bills, debt, and what your money goals for the future are. It’s so much easier to deal with this from the start.  A no-judgment zone.  This isn’t to render guilt but to see where you are now and where you want to go to feel more confident in your future financial self.  Fix your money; you are a big step toward a happier future.

Refer to Dave Ramsey for in-depth money wisdom and planning.

2) Children – If you already raise children before marriage, you may have figured this out.   If not, then it’s crucial to talk and listen to your partner about expectations of having children, raising them, and how big you envision your family with children will be.  We all know the best-laid plans on “when” to have children makes God chuckle – as life happens and our families sometimes grow faster than expected.  Still good to have an outline of expectations, hopes, and dreams.  How will having children affect who puts a pause on their work or career, and how will child-raising be shared?

3) Extended Families – Extended families are both a blessing and, at times, a source of a lot of stress as everyone tugs on the newlyweds (and children) to spend holidays and vacations, birthdays, and other celebrations with them.  A simple – “this is our plan” on how we can all get together for XYZ – so we all get to hang out and have fun without making these special dates seem even more stressful than they already are.  

4) Religion – Whatever your religious beliefs, be they a significant part of your life or just something you carry in your heart personally, it’s a meaningful conversation to have when deciding how you want to practice your faith and how you’d like to raise your children, including the many ceremonial aspects of religion such as Christenings etc.

Share what is in your heart and what’s important to you, and equally listen to your partner and their beliefs.  There is no hard right rule, but there is room to compromise and live in love and understanding.

5) What’s Your Love Language?  Hint – There are Five – THIS IS RELATIONSHIP GOLD!  

We all give and receive “love” (appreciation) differently.   Knowing what makes your partner and you feel loved is crucially important – and many times the opposite than you may think.  If you only give love in the way you appreciate, you may not understand what type of love your partner appreciates most and therefore miss the mark.  This is so important it is worthy of a heart-to-heart discussion to learn this insight for a happy, fulfilling, and loving “happily ever after” marriage.  Here is the list, and the details are readily available online to help you work through discovering what your love languages are.  

Taking a test online is highly recommended and an enjoyable exercise to do!

There are also a number of great books on this subject.

1)  Words of Affirmation

2)  Acts of service.

3)   Gifts

4)   Quality Time

5)   Physical Touch